The Last Train

 

(There are) many stories which are not on paper, they are written in the bodies and minds of women. 
[Amrita Pritam]

And then the war came. "What's it like?" she asked. It's like anywhere, really, but with war added. Some things break; windows, walls, souls. Woman have been joining up, have died fighting. Men have died too, but every man is there because of the law of the land. Every single woman that is here as a soldier is a volunteer. Or was before she was killed. Let that sink in. And us foreign legionnaires, we too have women, Norwegian, and American, maybe Canadian too. If we are caught, they will kill us. When I say we, I omit to say if the women with us are caught, they are raped first, then killed. 

But you would not begin to believe how people talk about tragedy now, I tell her. She says nobody understands. Nobody. I know why. They are trying to rationalise it. You cannot rationalise during a war. Nothing. Every single thing is different. A conversation here between two woman, on the street, one selling berries, has the tone of two talking about the weather. Except the woman is talking about how many bullet holes she had. And how she was lucky she survived. Her friend chats about those gone. Bombed. Executed. Murdered. Nobody outside of this war could understand. It is how things are. And the disparity between those in the war, and outside grows. We too begin to unravel, and her wonderful, beautiful story fades from me. The beauty of her stomach to my lips, of her wit at the corner of her smile, her dreams, fantasies, nail polish and soft, velvety voice, has gone, as I struggle to find her adventurous soul among the hubris of war...and so she departs, another casualty of this already endless war.

that emptiness after the last train has left the station.


Wonderful, haunting haiku by E. K., as is the subject of the haibun...for dverse, following an epigraph prompt by equally wonderful Punam.

Comments

  1. Ain, thank you for writing this hauntingly true haibun. Though our hearts bleed for those on the frontline, what you share provides rare insight into the harsh truths of wars. I am always taken aback by what you share and realise how little I know. Thank you once again.

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    1. I agree with Punam. This is how I feel, too. Those of us who are not there--those who have never been in a war cannot know, but we need to hear about it.

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  2. What a sad situation. And war destroys us all, even us reading this from afar. I know you can see the horrors at first hand, while we can only hope and pray that this war ends. I will not understand this fully as you have written this. I can only pray for the safety of people like you and the women there who are suffering a terrible fate. The emptiness grows and grows. Thank you for sharing.

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  3. Our innocence and ignorance knows no bounds. Keep telling us what we don't want to know.

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  4. This makes me shiver and surge with sorrow and anger Ain. Would that this were isolated and exclusive to this time and this place - a rarity. Sadly, this horror that is happening in Ukraine, is way too frequent in this moment, and its essence, way too familiar to the human experience. We have great propensity to be horrible go each other, and often, simply because we can be. SHAME! I look forward to seeing your pieces Ain, because it allows me to know, at least in the moment of writing it, you still survive. But also because it forces me go hold a mirror to my own humanity, and scrutinize what it is that drives me. Could I ever be that cruel, could I ever be that brave. I pray that I could never, and that I would be — but mostly I am thankful that in my moment, I am not pressured to discover these truths about myself, so I can think myself a man of virtue and courage. You are in ghat press, and your courage has passed the litmus, likely many times over. I have deep respect for you, and great concern that you continue to be well, and that this horror you are witnessing first hand, does not steal/steel your soul. Please be safe my friend!

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  5. This is really hard to read... and no we cannot understand... but we will feel the consequences, how hatred is building... I cannot really understand how much this will cost... it will be over one day... in one way or another.

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  6. "The beauty of her stomach to my lips, of her wit at the corner of her smile, her dreams, fantasies, nail polish and soft, velvety voice, has gone, as I struggle to find her adventurous soul among the hubris of war...and so she departs, another casualty of this already endless war."

    So poignant and moving to read, Ain. The whole thing is so lamentable, history repeating itself, people in power not stepping up when they should, not stepping down when they should, the world watching, helpless and with each passing day, desentisized to it all by way of defence mechanism, as yet another horror is told...what you say about women being raped before they are killed makes me shudder, and I'm glad you report it as it is. You are, in fact, a rogue reporter in a way and I'm so glad you are telling it like it is. Wishing you well, my friend, and please continue to stay safe <3

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